For Men

Is Your Partner Pregnant and You Don’t Know What to Do?

Maybe friends and family are encouraging you to push her to have an abortion. Whatever your situation, understand that you are not alone. Many couples experience an unplanned pregnancy which can be alarming and overwhelming.

Abortion seems like an easy and legal solution but it does have significant risks that you may not understand. That’s why it’s important for both of you become educated about all your options. Abortion is a permanent choice that can never be reversed, so it’s crucial you understand all the implications.

Firstly, women can choose abortion without the permission of the baby’s father.  Communication between you and your partner is essential at this point.   Many post-abortive women (women who have made this choice) report that they were waiting for their boyfriends/husbands to stop them.  Men seem to have been programmed to respond with a common statement, “It’s your choice.  I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

Sadly, women regularly report that they WANT to hear their partner’s honest opinion and do not want to make this choice alone.  By saying, “It’s your choice,” she may hear, “I don’t want this baby.”

She is looking to you for support because she may feel unable to confide in many people about this crisis situation. When women hear men say, “It’s your choice and I’ll support you,” they often perceive that the man wants her to choose abortion. So, please be careful with your words to avoid any regret later.

What she truly needs is your assurance that you will stand by her in whatever way she needs through this situation. Inform her immediately that she doesn’t need to have an abortion to please you. Tell her you want to help her make any decisions that will impact both of your futures.

Here are some ways to help a woman in an unplanned pregnancy: 

Confirming the Pregnancy:

The first step is to confirm the pregnancy and learn about all your options. Positive Choices provides confidential and free pregnancy tests, along with many support services. They exist to help both of you make an informed decision.

To demonstrate your support, accompany her to Positive Choices for the pregnancy test. Remember, she has more to lose in this pregnancy as it will physically impact her.

If she is indeed pregnant, understand that her body is experiencing hormonal changes that can affect her decision-making. Your emotional and physical support will reassure her of your care.

It is also important after a positive pregnancy test to have an ultrasound performed to determine if the pregnancy is viable.  It is estimated that as many as 25% of all pregnancies end naturally through miscarriage. If she is going to lose the baby naturally, you do not need to consider abortion. Positive Choices offers free ultrasounds.

Abortion has many risks to the woman at an emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical level. While you may not experience the abortion physically, abortion can impact your life as well. Learn more about these risks at this link – Abortion Risks

Learn more about what a preborn child looks like: HERE

Should she have a viable pregnancy (one that will likely continue to birth), Positive Choices can help you in a variety of ways. Our support services include, but are not limited to:

• Pregnancy verification through ultrasound services
• Clothing – both maternity and baby clothes
• Material assistance – cribs, car sets, etc.
• Prenatal and infant care education
• Childbirth classes
• Community referrals
• Assistance with securing medical insurance
• In some cases, referrals for STI/STD testing

Visiting Positive Choices means you don’t have to navigate this pregnancy alone. They can also help in communicating the pregnancy to both families and exploring all your options.

Another interesting thing about abortion is that many couples don’t remain together after making this choice. Abortion doesn’t seem to be the glue that holds a relationship together but rather can tear it apart. Feelings of betrayal and hurt, compounded with the grief over the loss that can result after abortion, can drive a deep wedge between partners. If you care about this woman, seeking support from Positive Choices is a wise step.

At the Abortion Facility:

If you and your partner determine to have an abortion, here is a list of important information to gather before the procedure.  Ask the abortion clinic staff these questions:

• What kind of abortion will she have? Will it be medication or surgical? Ask about the risks associated with the abortion procedure. It’s important to be part of this discussion with your partner. Most women appreciate a man who wants to be with them through this difficult time.
• Who is the abortionist and what are their credentials? Be sure to write down their name. Don’t sign any documents that might release the abortion clinic from any medical liability if they should injure her during the procedure.
• Check to see if the facility is clean and sanitary. Abortion clinics are rarely inspected by government agencies, and infections often result when women visit dirty clinics.  If the facility doesn’t appear spotless, find another one.
• If the abortion clinic offers ultrasounds, insist on viewing the screen. Both of you have a right to view any medical tests that are being conducted.
• If your partner has any doubts, take her home. There is no rush to make this decision as the procedure is the same up until 12 weeks. Any hesitation might lead to significant regrets later.
• Accompany her throughout the facility. If staff try to separate you from your partner, be suspicious and consider taking her home. She needs your support more than ever, including ensuring her safety during the procedure.

Remember, abortion doesn’t erase a mistake – it adds new problems! Abortion is PERMANENT. There is no “undoing” this decision. Research all your options and know that Positive Choices is there to help.

After Abortion

If you choose abortion or already have participated in this decision, be prepared that both of you may experience symptoms of Abortion PTSD (sometimes referred to as post-abortion syndrome).  According to many studies, you may experience one or many of the following emotional issues:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of being judged
• Fear of making decisions
• Fear of taking risks
• Feeling of defeat
• Feeling unworthy
• Depression
• Guilt
• Shame
• Panic Attacks
• Addictions
• Suicidal thoughts
• Sexual dysfunctions
• Sense of loss

Navigating an unplanned pregnancy can be a complex and emotional journey for both partners. It’s crucial to remember that you are not alone in this process, and there are resources available to help you make informed decisions. At Positive Choices, we provide support, information, and services to guide you through this challenging time.

As you consider your options, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with each other, and seek out all the necessary information before making a decision. Remember, whether it’s seeking counseling, understanding the implications of abortion, or exploring other options like parenting or adoption, we are here for you.

Your feelings, concerns, and questions are valid, and it’s okay to take the time you need to make the best decision for both of you and your future. Positive Choices is here to support you every step of the way, offering a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your options and emotions.